hes probably the love of my life

TEN random things about me:
1. i could eat ice cream everyday for the rest of my life
2. i adore the smell of summer rain
3. As much as i hate children, i want 3
4. I want to write a book
5. simple things make me happy
6. i can make my eyes shake, its real creepy
7. i would rather be deaf then blind
8. i love lillies
9. i like to pick flowers but then i feel bad when they die
10. i want a new kittie

NINE ways to cheer me up:
1. make ma laugh
2. actually care
3. make me smile
4. simple things mean alot
5. sing to me
6. just lay with me
7. hold me
8. be there for me
9. hold my hand

EIGHT things I wish to do before I die:
1. Write a book
2. Go to Ireland
3. Go to Greece
4. Be Happy
5. Wear Ann Taylor Suits
6. Own a Coach Bag
7. Own a really big house in a really nice neighborhood and then totally deck out my lawn with the worst lawn ornaments ever
8. Love and be Loved

SEVEN things that annoy me:
1. when peoples pockets stick out
2. When people say theyre going to do somehting and dont
3. Last Min changes
4. when people complain about things they have no control over
5. open closet doors
6. when people wont try things
7. lazy eyes ;]

SIX things I believe in:
1. Ghosts
2. UFOs
3. God
4. Santa
5. Tooth Fairy
6. Easter Bunny

FIVE things I'm afraid of:
1. The Dark
2. Walking around alone
3. Bats
4. Death
5. Being alone

FOUR favorite items in my room:
1. Bed
2. Computer
3. Iron
4. Lamp

THREE things I do every day:
1. Brush my teeth too many times
2. think about you
3. drive

TWO things I want to do right now:
1. Talk to you
2. Be able to sleep

ONE person I want to see right now:
1. Tim =[

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

i wish i could find a job

i wish you were coming home sooner because being without you makes me unhappy, and thats the last thing i want to be right now

i wish i slept at night, but its not the same when im not asleep next to you

i wish you would stop taking things out on me

i wish you had more time for me, but i understand why you dont

i wish someone would help me buy a car, so i wouldnt be so stressed about it

i wish you didnt make me so happy soemtimes cause then when you make me unhappy it wouldnt hurt so bad

but overall im happy, i miss you, but im happy

im so sick of you making me unhappy
you really make me wonder if your even worth it anymore
its not like i get anything out of being hurt all the time

i dunno, maybe someday ill matter to you





last day of classes tomorrow
then 3 finals
then home

4 more days of classes
3 finals
home april 29th for the summer

ive felt alot like writing lately, but i dont know what to write, i have so many words clogging my brain right now, i can put it down on paper. i wish i could, i miss writing, it meant alot to me and since ive stopped i dont feel right. i was a big piece of me for a long time. someone buy me a new notebook please. a pretty one thank you. i think its because ive been so stressed with all these finals lately, i just need something to do to get my mind off of it... 11 days of classes left.

i never sleep anymore, and im not happy about it, i cherish my sleep. it sounds strange but honestly, i cant sleep without you. its like i need you next to me to make me feel safe, adn secure and just well....good. this is really strange considering that usually i hate sleeping in the same bed as you, cause theres just not enough room, but lately its like i need that contact to help me sleep. i wish you were here with me right now, i need you.

lately i miss crew...alot

im gonna go ahead and say i feel kinda sad right now. and i dont really know why

new layout, i was fucking bored

its lame

last week was stressful

nicole and erin came to visit this weekend

tomorrow and tues suck

weds my babys coming to stay with me =]

Spring break 03.03 - 03.12



there ya go short and sweet
im freakin exhausted

Love you Hunnnie <3

fuck this week, fuck you, fuck off

( you! )

( boredy bored bored )

im still trying to figure some things out.
hopefully soon things will be better

yay rochester!

fuck you christmas

i miss the way things used to be before you treated me like i mean nothing
i miss being loved...or at least feeling like i was

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM NOTHING! and i hate that feeling!
i feel like everyone in the world is treated better then youve treated me the last few weeks
and whether i was a bitch or not...i dont deserve to be treated like im worthless.
all that ever comes out of your mouth is hurtful things.
i never get I love yous
i never get nice things said to me anymore
everything you say hurts me.
and ive held that in for weeks now...so im sorry.
im sorry i put effort into trying to make you happy becuase obviously it was overlooked.
im sorry that i "bore" you....but its not liek you put any effort into making it more exciting.
im sorry that i did everything you ever asked me
and im sorry that i put up with the fact that i never got anything in return.
i dont expect gifts, i dont expect you to take me out, but i would love to be treated like i matter
and you dont seem to be able to do that. i did everything i could for you
and yeah i know, i fucked up a few times, but that doesnt make it right for you to bring it up daily. that doesnt make it right for you to turn every little thing into that. i say one thing and you manage to turn it into something i did wrong.

im so sick of getting hurt all the time.
maybe im just not meant to have anyone love me
mayeb i really am as worthless as every relationship ive ever been in has made me feel
maybe im not "girlfriend material"
everything is my fault
it has to be...or else why would everything go wrong for me
maybe i deserved to be treated teh way chris treated me.
maybe i drove him to it
maybe i deserve to be treated the way tim treated me
which was never terrible
but sometimes quite hurtful
maybe i dotn deserve love.

i should just stop trying
because everything i do is wrong


im glad your happy, i hope you stay that way, im sorry i ruined your life

( im bored )